I Dreamt of Abuse

I dreamt of it last night... I don't know if it was because I was in Holy Trinity, which was a big part of that whole period but I dreamt of it... I woke up feeling quite upset and I didn't wake up suddenly, it was a slow opening and a sudden feeling of sadness, remembering the dream...

Speaking of which, il just try and note down bits of the dream before I forget...

I seemed to be living in a small apartment alone... It looked a lot like a hotel room but it definitely felt like i had lived there for a while... i knew my neighbours, who were always hanging out in my room, who were, as usual, way younger than i am.. i also seemed to have the habit of forgetting my keys but it appeared that i didnt usually lock my door either...

anyways, one night i get home and i had forgotten my keys again, but suddenly i notice that the door had been pushed off its hinges... and just like in all horror movies, i entered the room, instead of running for my life.. i look around and nothing appeared to be missing or tossed about.. i pick up my cordless to dial 911 (which means i wasnt in SG, who knows where i was) and it took ages for someone to answer.. in the meantime, im backing up around the room and realise that there's someone taking a shower in the toilet... and as the phone connects to the popo, he comes out, laughed at my efforts to call the police and knocks the phone out of my hands... i dont remember his face, thank God! i only remember the feeling of terror and of being terrorised... he was smiling at me and i was trying to ask him to get out and leave me alone... after that, it was a bit of a blur.. i dont recall any actual physical abuse but mostly a feeling of fear and hopelessness (which is pretty much how i remember my own real experience).. i remember a lot of crying and at some point, he was trying to make me join him on the bed, but i was refusing and slept on the floor on a makeshift bed made of the comforter and blankets..then i reached a point where i had no choice and then i reached acceptance...

the next morning, one of my neighbours, knocked on my door, for some reason, i had ended up sleeping behind the door and when he poked his head in... i was right there.. he didnt notice the door was off its hinges, he didnt notice that i had been crying all night, he made a vague reference to some noise he heard during the night but he was more occupied telling me about the song he had just finished writing... he read off a few verses for me, which coincidentally inspired me to stand up and face my situation then he smiled and went off...

after that, however i did not stand up and kicked the bugger out... i actually accepted that he was back in my life and made the best of the situation and built a life around it... as far as i could tell, there was no more actual abuse, but the woman i saw in the mirror was not as happy and vivacious at that point of the dream as she was at the start of it... i seemed to have accepted life the way it had turned out and didnt have the strength or energy to do anything about it...

the next bit gets a little weird and fantasctical...i think it has a lot to do with the fact that the doctor who theme is my alarm ringtone cos The Doctor appears... the three of us are in search to complete a set of rings from various planets and there's a ring im wearing that never seems to come off... like i'd remember taking off and then it's right back there on my finger... there was one part where i saw that same ring become a different one each time it landed on the dresser.. The Doctor then zapped all the rings with his sonic and they all disappeared, then declares it's time for a nap and lies on the bed beside my bf and sleeps...

the dream finally ends with another scenario (as dreams always do)... he is till around but i think we're ok.. i seemed to slip back into "normal" life, making a business for myself, a spa business, right there in the building where i live and he's there all supportive.. life appeared to have worked itself out but i wasnt happy and i think i still felt like i lived in fear or definitely the expectation of terror...

That's the feeling i woke up with this morning... and besides that bit with The Doctor (im still wondering about those rings), i was stunned by the dream...i tried to analyse why i had the dream and came up with the fact that i was in tampines where it had started, being in the church that was my haven during those difficult times probably contributed to it... i also just realised that i might not be as over what had happened to me as i thought i was...i've been thinking about shaun a lot recently and being in tampines didnt help at all... i still reiterate that i dont want him back but perhaps i have to accept that i've not fully healed from my experience and that i am afraid to try again for fear i might choose someone wrongly again...

i also fear that im getting too old, too fat, etc... that's a lot of fear...

more quotes...

so i love quotes...

"Don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it. But that its too low and we reach it - Michelangelo

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. - M Scott Peck

Don't ask God to make your life easier, ask Him to make you a stronger person.

Sometimes your medicine bottle has on it, "Shake well before using it." That is what God has to do with some of His people. He has to shake them well before they are ever usable. Vance Havner

my 38th birthday...

today i am thankful, i am thankful for many things... 
for my family who are like friends to me..
and for my friends who are like family to me... 
they have all made me the person i am, and i am thankful for them all...


i am thankful for all the times i have fallen.. 
i learned who i am, through the eyes of the people who stayed with me while i was down...
i am thankful for the times i have been raised up...
i learned that satisfaction of appreciation and shared it with others...


i am thankful for the joy and laughter, shared with family and friends...
they have kept me young in heart and mind, and dare i say.. body...
i am thankful for the tears, happy and sad...
they clear my soul and keep me dreaming...


i am thankful... and i pray i stay thankful through this coming year...
i pray for a lot of things but most of all, i pray for the strength to face one of my most exciting adventures...


thanks to everyone for making my birthday completely awesome...

i got my ticket!!!

so now it's official... i got my ticket last week... i fly on 15 feb 2012... now to decide what my next few steps are...

from Positive Inspirational Quotes (PIQ) on FB

‎"The minute you choose to do what you really want to do, it's a different kind of life." - Buckminster Fuller


“No matter where you are in life right now, no matter who you are, no matter how old you are – it is never too late to be who you are meant to be.”


"I would like to be known as an Intellgent woman, a Courageous woman, a Loving woman, a woman who teaches by being." Maya Angelou


“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”~ William James


"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience." Eleanor Roosevelt


"You define your own life. Don’t let other people write your script." - Oprah Winfrey


"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." - Chinese Proverb


"Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish them." - Unknown

Religion is for people afraid of going to hell, Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

"LIFE is an adventure in forgiveness." Norman Cousins
Art by ~♥~ Noetic Alchemy

"Choose being kind over being right, and you'll be right every time." - Richard Carlson

"Forgive those who insult you, attack you, belittle you or take you for granted. But more than this... forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.." -Unknown

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else." - Booker T. Washington

"Every moment you get is a gift. Spend it on things that matter. Don’t spend it by dwelling on unhappy things." – Unknown

"Live simply. Give more. Expect less." - Unknown

"You should save the best part of yourself for the person who deserves you." -Unknown

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain." - Bob Marley

"Hurt me with the truth but, never comfort me with a lie." -Unknown

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." - Henry David Thoreau

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." – Gandhi

"Sometimes when you give up on someone, it's not because you don't care anymore, but because you realize they don't." -Unknown

"The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong." - Thomas Carlyle

"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The healthiest response to life is joy." - Deepak Chopra

"Devote today to something so daring even you can't believe you're doing it." - Oprah Winfrey

"Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head." -Unknown

"There are things we dont want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." -Unknown

Love me when I least deserve it because this is when I really need it.

“Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally... Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” From the book "The Four Agreements," by Miguel Ruiz.

Live simply. Love generously. Kiss Slowly. Care deeply. Forgive Quickly. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.-DS

One day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." -Elizabeth Kubler Ros

People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -Martin Luther King, Jr

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." -Martin Luther King, Jr

"It doesn't matter what other people think about you. The only thing that matters is that you are happy with who you are."-DS

While you're busy looking for the perfect person, you'll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy."

'I'VE LEARNED that,
1. The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
2. When you're in love, it shows.
3. Just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
4. Having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
5. Being kind is more important than being right...

- Hidden Feelings

" Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely." Auguste Rodin (1840 - 1917)

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

"Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you." - Wally 'Famous' Amos

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus

an italian saying: "partire e un po come morire" - leaving is a bit like dying...

the closer i get, the truer it's starter to feel...

i was hormonal and sad... riding the self pity train.. and i had nobody to call...

5am on a monday "night", sad and lonely and i have nobody to call.... i think that's what made me sadder... never mind the hugging or holding... just a voice to connect to... but i had nobody to call...

i want the deep stuff

i cried today...

not just moved to tears but as i listened to Adele's Someone Like You, i teared up at first and then as i imagined or remembered being held by someone who loves me, i just started sobbing... like all out sobbing..

it was a good cry and i havent done that in a long while... at first i was confused, i didnt know why i was crying and then i felt so sad and lonely, sincerely, then i couldnt recall how i would feel like this... it took almost the whole song to finally accept it was hormonal but i had a good cry nonetheless...

it did get me thinking, though... as much as i dont have any reason to cry lately, neither have i felt great joy... i've had success, achievement, satisfaction, these are as far as my emotions go these past few years... they seem like good, positive emotions but has anyone realised that they lack depth... i havent felt glee, joy bubbling up inside, the ooey gooey feeling of being in love, something to take my breath away, real pain that causes real tears... the deep stuff that goes beyond words...

i want to go deep and feel things vibrate inside my soul again... i think that's what i miss and long for... the deep stuff... thank God for hormones that get me crying but i want the deep stuff...

"...ruin is the road to transformation." - liz gilbert (eat, pray, love)

Domine, ut videam!

Lord, that i may see...


What do i want to see?

i want to see which path to choose when im confused...
i want to see the way out of anger when i've reached my limit...
i want to see the light at the end of the tunnel when im absolutely at the end of my rope...
i want to see the lesson im supposed to learn when im in pain....
i want to see the joy in the moment in the present before it disappears...
i want to see the beauty in the people around me before i drown in the mundane routine of life...
i want to see the truth in myself when i know im lying...

these are all that i want to see, and some are things i need to see...

Fright Night 2011 - my first review on The Review -

It seems fitting to put this review as my first on my blog since it combines so many things I love ... a walk down memory lane, a tinge of buffy, vamp movies in general and, of course, my dear dear DAVID TENNANT!!!!! i don't care that i'm biased but i figured i should put that out first so whoever is reading this can stop now... hahaha... another alert... this has essentially turned out to be more of a 1985 vs 2011 review, so check out now if you're not interested...

At this point, let me say something before i completely lose you.. the 3D effects were pretty cool, worth the extra dollar to pay for it... the best i've seen so far in a live action movie, not counting Avatar.. and i think that's saying a lot since every other movie is trying this 3D thing and failing miserably.. so much crap in this movie comes flying out at you and not just the credits, haha... i even reached out to catch a cross which floated towards me, i laughed out loud at that, good thing i was in an almost empty theatre...

First of all, to prepare to watch this version, i went back in time (wink wink) and watched the original 1985 cult classic... it was awesome to watch it again... basically, it was amazingly campy and typically 80s which in itself was a particular treat... if you grew up in the 80s, you'd appreciate it.. and at the end of the day, as much as i didn't want to and shouldn't compare the two, i can't help it and neither will you, if you've seen it, that is...

the story is basically the same, the new guy in town, who moves in next door to a horny teenager, is a vampire. and it falls on him, the teenager, his friends and a TV "vamp-expert" phony to defeat the baddie... i mean, how can you go wrong with that plot? let's talk expectations - remember, it was written in the 80s, which means that you have to expect that the story is going to be predictable and simple... so how, you may ask, did they attempt to update the classic underdog vs vamp story? first step, get a writer from buffy the vampire slayer, marti noxon, to write the screenplay, that's how... having said that, i was a teensy tiny bit disappointed about how that turned out... i expected more witty, ironic lines (im not sure why) but all in all, i was happy to see her take on the story... she chopped off some unnecessary bits from the original and kicked up the pace for this generation of viewers... for added excitement , she threw in some pretty violent and brutal scenes and peppered in enough obscenities by all characters for that "cool" factor.... she also fleshed out the characters to suit the present day audience.. i mean, if anyone is comparing and expecting an exact remake of the original.. duh! what's the point of a remake if they're just going to repeat verbatim from 1985? im sure there would be more critiques about that... next step is to fit all her fleshed out characters with cool actors to play them... i mean, toni freaking collete, colin farrell, anton yelchin and, my dear dear david...

so let's start with the actors... there are 6 main characters in this movie, Charley, his mom, his girlfriend, his "best" friend (cos this bit is different from 1985) Evil Ed, Jerry the vampire and Peter Vincent... of all these characters, there is only one played by a fully american actor... just a random fact that struck me but has no significance to the story at all... also, there're a couple of cameos that were fun.. Lisa Loeb as Evil Ed's mom and the original Jerry, Chris Sarandon, who is a random victim of the new Jerry...

As for the mains... Anton Yelchin as Charley, im not sure if he passes as a modern version of William Ragsdale... the original Charley was more lovable and you tend to want to cheer for him more than this guy... Plus his girlfriend is too hot and when the worst happens, you don't exactly root for her, either... i think it's becos he's way too cool, original Charley was not cool , no one really was in the 80s... back then, in movies, you were either nice or mean, there wasn't any in between... Now, you have cools guys who are nice, i guess, but they don't necessarily translate into ideal underdogs... Still, 2011 Charley had his moments and his ultimate plan to kill the vamp was inspired and pretty badass, which i liked...  Girlfriend Amy, welllll, she's ok.... she's definitely a hotter version of the original, and stronger, too, which appeals to the feminist in me... it's a little less pedophilic than 1985, only becos the age gap doesntseem as tremendous as original jerry and amy... this 18 yr-old with a crush on colin farrell is way more plausible...

I love Toni Collete's version of mom... She definitely stood out as her own character, rather than the original whom i have no recollection of at all... And Evil Ed... what can i say about Mr Mintz-Plasse? too many reviews on the interweb calling him Mclovin' and saying that they he'll always just be Mclovin' to them... I can't disagree... i loved the original Evil Ed, he was quirky and a character all his own, Mclovin' just a sad geek who was turned way too early in the movie for my taste... I remember more of a team effort of amy and evil ed helping to save the day, rather than a showdown between friends... altho, 2011 charley kind of had it coming... 

Colin Farrell... I can't decide, i really can't, i can't decide which jerry i prefer, honestly! 1985 jerry was an old-school vamp... had a coffin in the basment, had a minion who took care of day time issues. there was even a freaking stained-glass window in what i remember to be an almost castle-like abode... he was posh and refined and classy (well, as classy as you can be in 1985 anyway)... 2011 jerry - a handyman, who always seems a little grungy to me, always in a singlet/tank top/wifebeater, whatever you choose to call it, and way more of a player type of man plus he had a real job, a believable night job which many people have these days, esp in Vegas.. him being colin farrell, bad boy appeal, makes it more believable that he can seduce his victims cos i never really saw any young person falling for 1985 jerry who, altho was very suave, looked ancient even back then...  1985 jerry, to his credit, was more subtle and stealthy about being a vamp... whereas 2011 jerry was freaking brutal and violent, which im ashamed to say, i quite liked... it added a thrill factor to the movie... actually, there were some technical vamp issues which bothered me which i will deal with later... what i couldn't understand was... what was with all the apple-eating?

And now, the best for last, my lovely David Tennant...His Peter Vincent was totally entertaining! I'm sure a large part of my amusement is becos i loooove loove loove him, but he was brilliant! a lot of critiques about peter vincent becoming chris angel-like but it was an awesome fun ride to watch! as much as roddy mcdowall was perfect for the 80s... there was no way, they could make the vamp expert like that again.. the father figure thing worked in the 80s but not anymore... a fake, assholic, alcoholic wannabe with a tortured past is way more relatable to our present audience... what that says about us now, i dont want to think about it... 1985 peter was an almost hasbeen tv celeb cos his style was more late 70s, which is similar to 2011 peter, who needs so much showmanship to try and stay current... same but different, i like that... and david tennant was great being a divo of a showman and then being a pathetic coward later on... it was just the right balance of outrageousness and vulnerability that made you root for him instead of charley... his lines weren't all that great (sorry, marti) but he looked like he had a ball playing this character and it showed... ditto for colin farrell, by the way, i mean not the vulnerability factor, but he went all out psycho and brutal that it was great to see.... i think that their performances outshone poor charley... my opinion anyway... and the little twist in the end, when jerry meets peter, i loved that... it was a surprising twist that completely made perfect sense, very buffy-esque!

okay, i need to address some technical vamp issues that bugged me... charley's escape with one of jerry's victims without jerry hearing/smelling them is impossible... i'd like to think that it was all part of jerry's master plan to freak charley out and allow the escape since he had an evil smile at the end of that scene, but im not so sure... in contrast, evil ed makes a note of how heightened his senses had become.. another thing, i couldn't understand was why he turned into a freaky monster creature on the road, when he was normal man-like while feeding in his house... altho there was a scene where he got stabbed and his physical reaction was a weird crawling thing which was pretty creepy, that was good, it added to the thrill factor again... the weird vamp creatures crawling out of the wall/floor were quite freaky and im not sure if that "vampirically" correct but it was interesting... one last peeve, what was the point of the "cool" kids gang? they seem to have no significant contribution to the story at all, i felt they took up precious time of more storytelling or more david, i would have preferred either...

so the question at the end that should be asked is... would i watch it again? would i tell my friends about it? yes and yes... not just for my david (altho i would probably be doing that for the 1st 10 times i watch it) but it is a sincerely fun enough movie to watch... check your brains at the door and enjoy the ride...

colbie caillat

the woman is a lyrical poet... just listening to You Got Me... it's a combination of her voice, the melody and the words... it's soothing and it just makes me smile... don't know what it is... love it!

also I Never Told You... it's like she's singing words in my head...Colbie Caillat - I Never Told You

snap!

snap! it's the end of september...!

wasting time...

i cant believe how much time can just pass by without realising it... i have to start setting deadlines and making solid plans...

life sucks you in

why is it when you lose sight of your goals.. life sucks you in and it's so easy to get caught up in day to day crap... must keep sight of my goals...

Upside down sausage and mushroom pizza

my next project...

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/upside-down-sausage-and-mushroom-pizza-recipe/index.html

food network asia

going to sleep watching this channel and waking up to it...

what shall i make for myself for lunch?

i always say it...

3 to go in from out...
2 to go out from in...
and always 1 to close either way...

took leave

i just took leave from work and apparently from the net as well... in an effort to conceal my whereabouts, i just dropped out of the web for a while... hahahaha....

don't care... but i am annoyed with myself that i didn't do anything fruitful or productive... although i console myself that having taken this break from work stress and even escaping my messy room was just what i needed... i don't feel particularly refreshed but i do feel a little more rested... i guess i'll just take what i can get...

keep checking myself...

my dream list

- dream car (nissan figaro)

- house with a garden

- family

- dream job (havent figured that out yet, own business? counselling? therapy?)

it all looks nice in my dreams... but i keep checking myself and remembering consequences of reaching beyond... do i limit myself by doing reality checks on my dreams? or am i keeping my head straight and keeping reality in focus, hence making right decisions towards my dreams? where is the balance? sometimes i need counselling, too... someone who can tell me the truth, not words i want to hear just to patronise me, but also not someone who would shut down my dreams... i guess i dont need anyone to TELL me the truth, but at least someone who can help find the true path... haiz... i just realise who the best person is, i know i've been hiding from Him, it's time to go home...

get me to where i need/want to go...

potential courses:
HD&T Institute - http://www.hdandtinstitute.co.nz/

Vision College - http://www.visioncollege.ac.nz/schools/counselling/diploma-of-counselling

Seek Learning - http://www.seeklearning.co.nz/course/psychology-and-counselling.asp

Laidlaw College - http://www.laidlaw.ac.nz/en/campuses/auckland-campus (?)

Unitec Inst of Technology - http://www.unitec.ac.nz/unitec_home.cfm

QE Group NZ Inst of Professional Counselling - http://www.qegroup.co.nz/128/diploma-of-professional-counselling-level-6/

University of Auckland - http://www.education.auckland.ac.nz/uoa/home/about/schools-departments/chsswk

for future reference - http://www.askedu.net/training.asp?Course=Counselling&Location=New+Zealand

so tired...

i'm spending this post whining and griping... just because i can, because i want to.. this is my outlet, isn't it?

im just tired, so tired, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually... sick of having to keep a brave face, be the cheerleader and all the time, feel unappreciated and on top of all that, get blamed for everything... working hard and long and still feel like im not achieving anything, slogging away and still feel like im not up to scratch... i justify to myself that im just barely surviving and that's why im not meeting my mark... then im pissed off that im justifying myself, then thinking i don't care what people think but knowing that i really do...

ugh, just reading this back to myself, im so annoyed for sounding like such a whiny child... if someone were to spill all this on me, i'd tell her to step back, take a break and look to see that everything she's doing builds her character and surviving this would be to her advantage... i'd think of some wise old statement that sounds full of experience and logic and slowly soothe her with it... then come up with some encouraging, uplifting quote or anecdote to make her smile and relax... but it's almost impossible to do with myself... but i know me... i know il be ok... i know i can talk myself back to calm rationality... i know i can calm myself down and face another day... i know i can wake up tomorrow and smile at the hundreds of customers who il be serving and make jokes with the staff who'll be working with me. but for now, i just want to whine whine whine... i even wish i could cry, that would actually help but it's not even that bad... so i feel like im in limbo... or am i past tears... that sucks...

but speaking of talking to people... why do i enjoy imparting my "wisdom"? i guess it's cos i've seen the look in people's eyes when i get through... there is spark of hope through the sadness or a light that switches on when something i said made sense.... there's a sense of achievement that my instinct led me to the right story or right words... like i was a part of the healing process and when that person becomes better or made better choices... i feel validated... once in a while, someone thanks me or acknowledges that i said something that made them think or felt better... how that makes me feel goes without saying...

so, in conclusion... i just made myself feel better after offloading... and i realised that i should definitely consider pursuing counselling as an option for a career... throughout my life, i seem to be drawn to it and the feeling i get from it... at least i have a direction and a new goal now... now it's time for planning and research...

<sigh> now i can sleep...

quotes...

I love quotes... real people inspire me and im touched because it hits a chord inside... and some of them are just plain funny... i stored my collection of quotes in various places, random notebooks (which i've since lost), and more recently my phone... so now im pretty much gonna dump them in here... 


the bold ones at the top are those which are particularly hitting home right now, this moment...


"Be not afraid of moving forward, be more afraid of standing still." -Anonymous

"Delay is the deadliest form of denial." -C. Northcote Parkinson (British Historian)

"Never let the sense of past failure defeat your next step." - Anonymous


"Success isn't how far you've gotten, but the distance you've travelled from where you started." -Chinese Proverb


"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop." - Confucius

"It's not our abilities that show what we truly are, it is our choices." -Prof Dumbledore, Chamber of Secrets


"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." -Prof Dumbledore, Philosopher's Stone


"My worst fear was realised, I had hit rock bottom and then rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." -JK Rowling


"There's no good way to tell a stranger they smell nice or a friend they smell terrible." - funny or die FB status


"To espouse normality after seeing horrors has always seemed to be such a courageous thing to do and climbing back to normality after trauma is much much harder... it's much harder to rebuild than to destroy." - JK Rowling


"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." Anonymous


"There is no peace without forgiveness." -Fr Sujono's sermon, 24 may 2011


"...because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man." Coach McGinty, The Replacements


"being a part of something special, makes you special." -Rachel, Glee season 1, ep 1


"The greatest expression of rebellion is joy." -Joss Whedon


"Give us joy to balance our affliction." -Psalm 89


"I always knew I would look back on my crying and laugh... but I never knew I would look back at my laughter and cry." -Anonymous


"It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission." -Anonymous


"Why you don't have what you want is because you don't pray for it. When you do pray and don't get it, it is because you have not prayed properly, you have prayed for something to indulge your own desires." James 4:3


'Life keeps throwing us chances to learn new things but sometimes, life throws it to our faces and it's hard to see the lesson when it hits you right between the eyes.. It isn't until we look in the mirror that we finally understand and learn and grow... Until the next lesson." -me, 03 sep 2010


"Such insufferable sorrow. I have no place for it." - Andromeda


"The person who never makes a mistake probably isn't doing anything." -Rita Emmett


"The time you enjoyed wasting is not wasted time." -Joe Foo


"There is no formula for success, except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings." -Arthur Rubinstein


"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that, in the end, we become disguised to ourselves as well." -Francois dela Roche Pereaux


"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only robs today of its strength." -AJ Cronin


"Nothing will work until you do." -Maya Angelou


"..her sins, her many sins, must have been forgiven her, or she would not have shown such great love." -Luke 7:36-8:3


"...never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings." Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pary, Love)


 “There’s a certain kind of pain that can numb you. There’s a type of freedom that can tie you down. Sometimes the unexplained can define you. And sometimes the silence is the only sound. In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” -Charlie Brown


"Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other." -John F. Kennedy


"A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm" -Charles M. Schwab


"As long as you are willing to let life push you around, it will.” -Napoleon Hill


"If you take care of the little things, the big things will take care of themselves" -Unknown


"The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become." -Mark Twain


"It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop“ -Confucius


"Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough." -Unknown


“In the end, you’re measured not by how much you undertake but by what you finally accomplish.” -Donald Trump


"New opinions are always suspected, & usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common." -John Locke


 “There is always room in your life for thinking bigger, pushing limits & imagining the impossible." -Tony Robbins


"The best way to get a better answer is to start asking a better questions." -Tony Robbins


"Think beyond your lifetime if you want to accomplish something truly worthwhile." -Walt Disney


"It doesn't matter what a person brings, only what they leave with." -Anonymous


"Obsession is a dangerous thing to be obsessed about." -Me


"When your legs are tired, walk with your heart. But please, don't stop." -Paulo Coelho


"The greatest jeopardy in life is to risk nothing." -Anonymous

dreaming

no correction... thinking not dreaming... (although, typing this with a rerun of glee's season 1 in the background makes everything all the more hopeful and dreamy)...

yeah, thinking... thinking is better than dreaming cos thinking involves planning and research and not just dreaming and imagining... New Zealand, dream or plan? no, i must plan...

things to do:

-NUMBER ONE, get the testimonials... im super freaking out cos i dont have the best track record with past employers...

-2, find a job, find lots of jobs to apply for...

-3, find a place to stay, where do i make my base

-4, find cheap flights to NZ

-5, how to get around

-6, how to be contacted (mobile, internet connection, etc)

-7, what do i bring

i must keep telling myself - no turning back, no turning back, no turning back....

random quote:

"being a part of something special, makes you special." -Rachel, season 1 ep 1...

tempted

im so tempted to get an iphone or ipad, just to play some games with my friends... bad bad bad...

no, im broke enough as it is... shudnt spend on another thing...

I love The Doctor!

So I am a Whovian... (a whovian, by the way, are fans of the UK TV series, Doctor Who) sometimes I feel I'm the only one here in Singapore... Anyways, I stumbled upon The Doctor one day on BBC Entertainment and I was hooked... And then when Christopher Eccleston became David Tennant....

<sigh!> Ah, DT... I fell in love, well, infatuated would be a better word... But he is awesome!!! Then I found out he's scottish... My dream man... All the things I loved all rolled into one man... He's cute, sexy, kind of geeky, appears to be quite funny, he can sing and, most of all, scottish! Yums!!! His scottish accent makes me quiver... Anyways, it goes without saying that I was all the more hooked on The Doctor... Naturally, i imdb'd the dude and tried to see what else he had done (btw, cant wait for Fright Night 2011!)... Much to my surprise, he was Barty Crouch, Jr in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire... I had to watch the movie again cos all those youtube snippets just were not enough for me... And I made a funny, little observation...

Just when The Doctor makes an appearance in Harry Potter, the Weasleys pitched a tent which was coincidentally bigger on the inside... I laughed with excitement at my funny little discovery and then suddenly realised there was no one I could share this with, that would get it... I just laughed out loud to myself in my room... Kind of sad and pathetic, but anyway, it is what it is...

So I ahem caught up on all the Doctor Who series until the Tenth Doctor regenerated into Matt Smith... Then I couldnt bear to watch.. My first reaction to Matt Smith was.. Noooooo, i cannot bear to watch Doctor Who without David Tennant... So I watched all the Torchwood, Sarah Jane Adventures series and, finally, when Matt Smith was to appear on SJA, I braced myself and watched... I found that he was just loony and weird enough  to check out... So I went back to The Doctor and caught myself up on the start of his series... And now, not that i love DT any less but, im loving Matt Smith as The Doctor as well... and with Amelia Pond, the Ponds, i love saying it the way he does... I also love the new storylines and the music, especially his own theme song... I cant wait till aug 27 when the 2nd part of the series starts up again... At the end of the day, Matt Smith is a pretty cool guy, seeing his interviews, etc... I guess everything has its time and i love the new doctor a lot but when they started re-runs with the 9th and 10th Doctor on BBC again, i enjoyed every repeat episode... 

Also through my surfing on The Doctor, i found Charlie McDonnell who does youtube vids for a living... he is a very cute and quirky kid in the UK who, with his friends, created a genre called Trock music, which is Time Lord Rock... love the music especially their version of the 11th doctor's theme... 

I guess you never know what new things you can discover that links to things you already knew... I love finding things out and connecting them...

no pressure

i think before when i attempted diary/journal situation.. i felt a pressure to keep it up like as if people were actually following me and expected stuff from me... so there was a pressure to say witty things and talk about interesting things which may have happened in my life... but now, i couldn't give a crap... i'm literally going to offload here...

i needed an outlet...

...i know it's seems a little narcissistic but i think that pretty much everyone's doing this, so i don't care... it just occurred to me lately that i have a crapload of stuff crowding in my brain, i might as well offload it on de interweb...

so to anyone who reads this, i need to prepare you for some things...

First, there'll be a lot of "...", for some reason, i always end with dot, dot, dot... no reason whatsoever... (haha)
2nd, i'm very lax with my shift button so there won't be much caps in here...
next, i have extremely random thoughts which jump from my life stuff, to movie and tv reviews (i love doing reviews, hence the blog title)...
also, im sort of a tv geek.. i love so many tv shows, my dream job is to review shows and movies...
and lastly, i'll probably fill in some of my rants... just random rants which may or may not be based on real life... i will, however, be as discreet as possible with names and such, so if you read something and think it may be you... it might be but i'll try to keep it ambiguous as personal challenge to myself...

for a start, i'll leave at this...